Exhaustion
by Snowy Midnight
Summary: Cloud thinks he doesn't deserve happiness. But is it for the reason he thinks, or could it be because of something else?


Disclaimer: I can't imagine being sued for money that I don't have. College is expensive enough without paying off legal fees. Therefore, Squaresoft owns all Final Fantasy stuff. 'Nuff said.

"When are you coming home?"

"I have a lot of work to do."

Tifa crossed her arms over her chest, waiting expectantly for any type of reasonable answer. She had left the delivery service dormant for a few hours, as Marlene and Denzel were in school during the morning hours. She had found Cloud sitting on the floor of the Sector 5 Church next to his motorcycle. Despite the fact that he was elbows-deep in grease, he looked no worse for the wear. Tifa couldn't necessarily say the same for her nerves.

"If you don't want to come home, then why do I always wait for you? Why do you keep telling me you'll be back and I end up searching the next morning, wondering if something terrible happened to you?" Cloud stood and turned his back to Tifa, grabbing a rag to wipe his hands with and shook his head.

"It's…complicated. I don't know how to explain."

"Why can't anything be simple with you? Why do you always have to be a puzzle that I have to figure out? It's ridiculous, and I'm tired of it!"

Silence followed for what seemed an eternity. The tension in the air could almost be seen crackling between the two of them. There had been a time that they had both understood that they were family. They were both orphans; all they had was each other. However, even on nights when Tifa found Cloud's warm body next to her in bed, there was a distance that only the two of them could sense. And despite the effort that it took to stay awake, she always found slumber in that comfort of having someone's flesh against hers. Surely enough, each following morning he would be gone, with no note or word. Only a dent in the pillow where he rested his head and his scent on the sheets as evidence.

"Tifa…I know you want me with you…I want to be with you."

"Then why is it so damn hard to be with me!" Tifa shouted at him, her fists now down at her sides. He whipped around, a surprisingly expressive face staring back at her.

"You don't understand!"

She stalked up to him, grasping his arms with her hands.

"Make me understand!"

"All I do is bring about trouble! The first time, I came with Sephiroth to our home, and he destroyed it! Killed our families, destroyed everyone's lives! The second time, those three looking for Jenova were trying to find me—not you! I don't want you in danger anymore, and if you're with me, you'll never be safe!"

"I don't need your protection, Cloud, I can take care of myself!"

"But what about Marlene, or Denzel? What if something happened to them because of me? I…I couldn't stand the idea of something bad happening to them because of me."

Another silence followed. Tifa couldn't blame or deny Cloud's feelings, or reassure him. Trouble seemed to plague the former members of Avalanche, especially Cloud. She finally let go of his arms and walked towards the doors of the dilapidated church, stopping near the doorframe.

"This is all you have left of her, so you hold onto that. You would rather hold onto a ghost that you can't protect than to start a life with someone you can." Tifa stood there for a moment, waiting for a response. The silence continued as she walked out the door and back towards the home they temporarily shared.

A partly consumed drink held in steady hands had remained so for hours. Tifa sighed and glanced to the clock on the wall to the left of the bar. It was 4:30. Marlene and Denzel would be awake and ready for breakfast at 6:30 and the bar opened at ten o'clock sharp. Another night wasted waiting for Cloud to return; another cold and empty bed. She had trouble eating most nights, even with the knowledge that Cloud was safe. If he wasn't home with her, there was always the possibility that something had gone wrong.

The incident in Mideel during the whole Meteor crisis had made Tifa incredibly uncomfortable being away from Cloud. She had seen him so helpless and confused that she didn't know if she could bear anything happening to him again. When they were children, she tried to watch out for him whenever he encountered bullies, but was normally too occupied with family events and schoolwork. Cloud had always been the "runt of the litter", so to speak, when it came to living in Nibelheim. When they had met again two years before, he had seemed so strong and confident at first…but then Tifa soon came to realize that he was just as frail as before, if not more so after participating in Shinra activities.

She yawned heavily and took another sip of her drink, letting the warm liquid course its way through her insides. As exhausted as Tifa would be throughout the day, she knew that it would be impossible to sleep until Cloud was confirmed to be okay and Marlene was off with Denzel to school. Of course, that would only leave two hours for sleep. There was always so much to be done. So much to do…not enough time.

Tifa sighed in a sweet release as her head slumped to her shoulder, her thoughts the only noise around. After a few moments, the thoughts circling her brain began to dissipate into an incomprehensible humming, as it always has in those last few seconds before sleep took hold over her.

"Mama?"

Marlene shook Tifa again, worry creasing the soft skin across her face. She shook her harder, not knowing what else to do. It was definitely true that Marlene had experienced much more than most six-year-olds, but the situation was unsettling none the less. The blood was what first set it off. All that had been visible past the bar was a hand, and when Marlene inspected further, she had seen Tifa sprawled out behind the bar. There was a pool of blood around her head, and Marlene figured she might have hit her head.

It was the sound that had first woken her up, the shrill scrape and deafening crash waking her out of a comatose-like sleep. As soon as she found Tifa, Marlene screamed bloody murder, waking Denzel and bringing him downstairs in a panic. He volunteered to go find Cloud, but even Tifa, who was a grown up, could barely ever find him. Her papa was gone somewhere far away, and she didn't know any other adults. Well, except for the redheaded man and the guy who had the same skin as her papa, but Cloud had told her that they weren't to be trusted. She didn't know if she could handle Tifa being hurt and Cloud being mad for getting those strange people to help. Marlene didn't know if she had the option of only picking one.

The sound of tires squealing and a vehicle shutting off made Marlene jump. She hoped it was Cloud, hoped that he'd know what to do. She had felt Tifa's heart and it was still thumping, so she knew that was a good sign. The door swung open, and Denzel walked in, completely drenched from the downpour outside. Someone walked in with him…

…but it wasn't Cloud.

"He…was…at…the church." Denzel pointed to the redheaded man, who had already rushed over to Tifa's side. "Cloud wasn't there." He was very out of breath. They were both too young to drive, so Denzel had ran all the way to the old Sector 5 Church.

Reno-which was what Tifa and Cloud called the redheaded man-was checking Tifa over and saying a lot of words that would have gotten Marlene grounded. Between those words she heard "no-good rotten Cloud" a few times…but with more words in between. He pulled out his cell phone, dialing and putting it up to his ear.

"Marlene, I'm calling the ambulance. When they get here, you and Denzel both need to go to the hospital with Tifa. I'm going to go and find Cloud for you guys. That stupid son of a…"

Marlene covered her ears, and then realized how sticky they were. Her nightgown had warm, sticky blood all over it, and now her ears were bloody too. She looked like she was hurt too, and hoped none of the doctors would try to poke her with any needles.

Reno came over to her and put his big hands on her shoulders. "Everything is going to be okay, little one." It kinda scared her, a stranger being so nice. He took his finger and poked the end of her nose, then set a hand on Denzel's shoulder before running out the door, slamming it behind him. All Marlene could think was that Cloud had never comforted her like that. Instead of making her calm, it made her mad. She had thought Cloud wanted to be a family, but he was never home. Denzel and Marlene both sat next to their surrogate mother, holding each other's hand until the flashing lights showed up to fix what had happened.

Cloud struggled to pry Reno's fingers from the collar of his jacket, but even he was surprised by Reno's strength.

"What the hell is your problem, Reno?" Reno had stalked into the church, soaking wet, looking madder than hell. He pulled Cloud off of one of the pews near the front of the church and had slammed him up against one of the cement pillars.

Reno lifted him from the pillar and slammed him back a few times. Cloud finally kicked him as hard as he could in the knee, distracting Reno for long enough for Cloud to throw a fist into the right side of his face. Reno staggered back a bit, but then yelled at Cloud, seeming intent on murder.

"Do you even care about your friends?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Reno shoved Cloud a little, and Cloud shoved back, both a bit out of breath from the encounter. "You claim to want to be forgiven, to have a family, but you don't give a damn! You leave them alone every night! You leave them to come here, to this shithole of a church, to watch over flowers that aren't even there anymore! To regain some type of time with Aeris, and you don't even see what's right in front of you!"

Cloud shook his head. "I still don't see why it's any of your business."

"I'll tell you why, you fucking jerk! I caught Denzel here at this cement heap, soaked and shivering, yelling for you to come out! I took him home, and found Tifa laid out behind the bar, knocked out with blood everywhere!" Cloud seemed to straighten himself out a bit, then said, "Is she okay?"

Reno threw his hands into the air. "How am I supposed to know? I called the ambulance and everything, and the kids looked scared as hell, and…" Reno's face blushed nearly to the color of his hair, then he took a lunge at Cloud, knocking him down on the floor and keeping him pinned.

"You don't deserve to be happy, Cloud. And I'll tell you why." Cloud stared back up at him, his eyes wild, but not with anger. For the first time in a very long time, they looked panicked. "It's not because of Aeris, or because of Sephiroth. You don't deserve it because you don't care about what's right in front of you."

"What do you mean?"

"You have a woman who loves you, damnit! You have two kids that look to you for everything, and even though they aren't actually yours, does that really make it easier to leave them behind to go…to go fucking ghosthunting?" Reno paused, and then let Cloud loose. He backed up a few pews, and shook his head.

"Most men would kill for what you have. And it might not seem perfect, Cloud…but it's a hell of a lot better than hookers and alcoholism." With that, Reno turned and left the church, muttering curses the entire way back to his truck.

It hadn't taken Cloud long to reach the emergency room. The rain left little traction for the wheels on his motorcycle and he nearly slid into several cars on his way there. Dripping wet with rain, he ran from the parking lot into the hospital, his shoes sliding on the surgically clean tiled floors. A nurse looked up expectantly, her mouth half-opened, as if ready to assist him. Cloud's lungs were burning so hard that he couldn't get anything else out except for, "Where is Tifa? What room?"

"Sir, you'll have to calm down and-"

Cloud slammed his hand down on the desk.

"Fuck you, calm down! Tell me what room she's in!" The nurse hurriedly clicked her fingers on the keyboard and looked up at him for a moment before revealing Tifa's location.

"She's in room 119, on the third floor. The elevators are to the right-"

"Thank you very much." Doing his best to keep from breaking into a run, Cloud stalked down the hall to the elevators, and the nurse shook her head as the elevator doors closed behind him.

He felt like such an asshole. He had realized how terrible he had been treating Tifa and the children, but at the same time he wanted to keep them safe. He had always seemed to be more accident or catastrophe prone than the others, and Cloud figured that if he stayed away from them that he could keep them safe. A strange feeling was making his stomach feel like a brick had found its way to the bottom of it. He felt sick to his stomach and didn't want to lift his head to see anything.

The elevator doors opened, however, and he did look up. Down the hall, he could see Marlene and Denzel sitting in chairs outside of a room. As he approached, he couldn't help but notice that he had no problem hurrying until getting this close. Now, as he came closer and closer to the two kids, who appeared to be crying, his feet seemed to be made of cement. Marlene looked his way, and his heart dropped down into his stomach. Her eyes, rubbed raw and clouded with tears, stared at him with a heartbreaking look. It was as if she wanted to say "Where have you been?" but couldn't manage to get the words out. It was just as well, however; Cloud wouldn't have been able to come up with a reasonable answer. His hand reached out to touch her shoulder, and Marlene didn't push it away, but she gave him a dirty look that she probably learned from Tifa.

"Are we your real family, Cloud? Do you want us?" His eyes began to burn, and he slowly nodded.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

The doctor cleared his throat, holding a chart in his hand. Cloud turned to look at him, and couldn't help but burst into a barrage of questions.

"How is she? Is she alright? What happened? Can I see her?"

The doctor held up his hands. "Relax. We're monitoring her overnight due to the open head injury. We're actually treating her more for exhaustion than the stitches we put on her head. The last time she woke up, she admitted that she hadn't eaten in the past 36 hours and that she normally doesn't get more than 20 hours a sleep during the week.

"So that means that someone is going to have to be home for a while to make sure that she eats right and gets enough sleep. I don't feel comfortable releasing two children to the care of a woman that isn't caring for herself enough."

Cloud nodded, then looked back to the two children sitting anxiously in the chair. They seemed to be settled down considerably, but it was still understandably uncomfortable to see their "mother" attached to a bunch of machines.

"That won't be a problem. We're her family, and we'll watch over her." Cloud turned to Denzel and Marlene. "Won't we?"

Both children nodded enthusiastically, and the doctor walked down the hall, intent on fixing another medical emergency. Cloud crouched down between the two children and put a hand on both of their knees.

"I'm sorry I've been a jerk lately…I've just been busy fixing some things with me, and I left you guys alone. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry. But…I'm coming home now, and things are going to get better. Everyone will be happier, I promise."

The children nodded, but Marlene looked doubtful. He couldn't blame her; she was used to the "absentee father" routine.

"Now I'm going to go check on Tifa, and then I'll take the two of you home and get you ready to go back to sleep…"

"But Tifa never lets us sleep during the day!" Denzel finally interjected. Cloud felt his face twist up into a smile.

"She's not the boss of the house anymore now. There's two of us." Both kids giggled, and he ruffled the hair on both of their heads.

Cloud took hold of Tifa's hand and squeezed it softly, watching her as she slept. Her skin was so warm, but the room was so cold. He would have to ask the nurse's station for extra blankets. He had just noticed how soaked he was, and realized that's why it was so cold. It didn't seem to bother him much.

The fact that Tifa had fallen and smacked her head on something wasn't what was so disturbing. It was that she had lost sleep over waiting for him to get home. It was just as he had told her the day before; he always brought on trouble. She also wasn't eating, which was a big concern. He thought that keeping himself away would help, but it only made the situation worse. Tifa was a woman he could easily be in love with, a woman he could start a family with. There was already a family waiting for him, and he had been blind to see how wonderful it was. He didn't understand himself why he neglected Tifa, Marlene, and Denzel so much.

A moan brought him out of his thoughts, and he whispered softly, "Tifa? You awake?"

She opened her eyes slightly, smiled, and then sighed. "Cloud. You came."

"Of course I came. Who else would take care of Marlene and Denzel…and you?"

This made Tifa smile brightly, although the rest of her looked so faded. The IV in her arm worried Cloud; he knew that tubes and doctors didn't sit right with him. The whole scene was quite unsettling for him, but he knew that whatever bothered him wasn't important at the moment.

"Tifa?"

"Yeah?"

"I…I want us to be a family. I know you're tired of waiting…and I am too."

She nodded.

"Okay, Cloud. But you're right…I am tired. We'll worry about family tomorrow."

"You've earned as much rest as you can possibly get. Goodnight…sweetheart."

Tifa closed her eyes, and was soon asleep. With as peaceful as she looked, Cloud needed no reciprocation.


End file.
